T.S. Madan on Pain, Relationships and Living to 104

We live in the most connected society ever, so why do so many of us feel alone? Anxiety, comparison, broken relationships and the fear of starting over: these were the questions Sarvesh Mishra put to T.S. Madan in this episode of The Sarvesh Mishra Show. Madan is a 68-year-old life coach, counsellor and motivational speaker from Amritsar who has spent decades talking to people about how to live.

हमेशा खुश रहने सीखो | Learn to Stay Happy Always | @tsmadaan | The Sarvesh Mishra Show · 1 hr 23 min

Timestamps

1. What is life? Six things we have been given

Madan believes no one is born without a reason. In his view, we have received six things, and working on them is the real purpose of life:

• A body: a gift that is ours to look after.
• A family: humans are the only species that keep photographs of their ancestors.
• The ability to earn: providing for ourselves.
• A mind: physically we are the weakest creature, yet the mind lets us do more than any other.
• A society: everyone gets a different role, and together they form a structure.
• A pure soul: the responsibility to keep ourselves clean.

He says that once you work on these six, you have fulfilled life's purpose. He later used the same order as a list of priorities: health first, then relationships, then career and income, then the mind, then society and finally the soul.

2. Comparison: both pain and inspiration

Why are people who look successful on the outside so troubled within? Madan's answer is comparison. If we own a scooter, we feel bad looking at the person with a car, but we don't see the cyclist who feels bad looking at us.

“Why do I want to become something I am not?”

— T.S. Madan, on The Sarvesh Mishra Show

His advice: identify your strengths, whether singing, running or a skill, and polish what you already have. When you do look at others, look with inspiration, not jealousy.

3. Why givers are happier

Madan points out that at funerals and condolence meetings, people talk about what the person gave to family, society and the country, never about how much they took. Giving isn't only money. A smile, praise, respect, love and time can all be given.

He shared an experience of giving money to a restroom attendant at a public facility and said the satisfaction was far greater than the amount. He traces his habit of giving to his father and grandfather. His grandfather founded an Amritsar charity that runs a fire brigade.

4. Worrying about what hasn't happened

If a child doesn't reach home on time, the mind jumps to the worst outcome, even though he may simply be chatting with friends. According to Madan, only about one in ten of our negative assumptions comes true, so we take on many times more stress than the event deserves.

The rickshaw driver story

A wealthy businessman's car broke down, so he took a rickshaw. The driver was cheerfully singing. The businessman took him home, gave him a lavish meal and an air-conditioned bedroom, and he was just as content. When thrown out, he was equally unbothered. Asked why, he said he lives in the present. That is the story's lesson: enjoy what you have today.

5. Toxic relationships and the strength to tolerate

Madan says any relationship will have both sweet and sour parts. Every coin has two sides, and a crown set with diamonds also has thorns. We tolerate customers as shopkeepers, but find it hard to tolerate grandparents, spouses or siblings.

He joked about staying with his wife “Pinky ji” for more than 40 years although none of their 36 traditional compatibility points match. The one habit they share, he says, is “I am for you and you are for me.”

6. Mistakes between 20 and 40

Using the example of a new car, he says we assume new things won't break down and so skip maintenance. The same happens with our bodies, then with relationships, then with money. He also gave a simple way to keep the mind active: wear your watch on the other wrist, switch pockets, change how you sit. Small changes give the brain something new to do.

Three types of earners

• Those who use the body below the neck: they make a living.
• Those who use body, mind and speech (professionals): good income, but when work stops, income stops.
• Those who use mind and speech (entrepreneurs): they get work done through others, so income has no ceiling.

On money, his view is clear: money isn't bad, but money earned in bad ways is. He also said that no one gets by without society, and that in his own hardest years it was relatives and friends who stood by him.

7. A 35-year-old whose life has fallen apart: what to do in 30 days?

Sarvesh asked what task Madan would give someone facing money pressure, broken relationships, failing health and lost confidence. His first advice is to leave behind what has happened and remember that many people carry far greater sorrows. Then see the hardship as a process of being shaped.

The gold, the hammer and the stone

Gold increases in value when it is heated and hammered into shape. In a sculptor's story, the stone that agreed to be carved became a deity in a temple, while the one that refused ended up as the floor people walked on. The message: hard times may be shaping you.

8. How to restart from zero

• Treat experience as capital: when it feels like everything is gone, see that you still have experience, and make it useful to others.
• A clean slate: write whatever you like now, as the old burden is gone.
• Keep birthplace and workplace apart: where people don't know your past, a new identity forms easily.
• Go beyond knowing: knowing alone changes nothing; you have to act.

9. The “date of death”: planning for 104

Madan has set 104 as the age he plans to live to. He is clear it isn't a prediction but a reason to plan, like parents who think of a rough date to prepare for a child's wedding. The target gave him reasons to look after his health, relationships, money and reputation. In his view, motivation comes when you have a reason.

10. A connected society of disconnected people

Why do people with millions of followers still feel isolated? Madan says we are technologically the most connected society yet emotionally and physically the most disconnected. We can talk to someone in America but go days without speaking to our own family. His simple fix: talk with a smile.

He also shared a viewer's comment saying that they were about to end their life but changed their mind after watching one of his videos. For Madan, that is the real achievement: even one person changing matters more than views.

Final message: “Be a giver”

Madan ended where the conversation began: give whatever you can, whether money, help, encouragement, respect, love or a smile. He calls it an investment that comes back with interest.

Watch the full episode

हमेशा खुश रहने सीखो | Learn to Stay Happy Always | @tsmadaan | The Sarvesh Mishra Show